Tuesday, September 26, 2023

Soul Mates.

Journal Entry no. 2

I see her name. And I wish she was with me now. Instead, I have only a little mottled bottle with her name engraved on the outside and a little clear bag with white ashes inside. And I have a wooden basket painted a bright shade of green. It reminds me of happy times. It reminds me of spring and new life. But there is no life here, only an empty food bowl and an empty water bowl, a stick and a ball that will never be played with again, and a little collar that's either purple or pink in color, but who's to say because I could never quite be sure even though I look at it now.

I'm not sure if I believe in soulmates, if I believe in the idea of two souls destined to be together. But I somehow feel like losing her was losing my soulmate. I feel like we were meant to be together. She was my best little companion, not just a friend, but someone I needed. Someone I needed to love, to care for, to grow with. And maybe, in the deepest recesses of our being, we knew we didn't need each other anymore.

Some won't understand the empty space we experience by the death of an animal. I find this strange, because they are animals and we could never hope to be as good as them. And we could never love as pure as they.
And though I loved her, I think she loved me more. I think she knew how much she meant to me and how important she was in my life. She was always there for me, a comfort when I needed to be comforted. I wonder if she felt my sadness too in those moments. I wonder if she wanted to help me in any way she could. I wonder if that's why she would sit with me in those times, or bring me one of her toys so I could play with her. She knew that always brought a smile to my face.
I got her through an extreme accident and nursed her back to health for months. I stayed up the entire night with her in the bathroom when she was sick and it was too cold to leave her outside.

There was such a deep connection between us, an understanding that goes beyond human comprehension. We fed off each other's emotions. We supported each other. 
Maybe it's like they say and we were destined to be together. Maybe the universe knew I needed her.
As I reminisce for the years we spent together, I know a part of me will always miss her, for she was more than a dog. She was my companion. She was my soulmate.

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